For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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