I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize