We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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