why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
