All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
