just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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