it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize