I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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