Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
