Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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