i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
