The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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