No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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