how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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