We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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