It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
