and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
