idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
