how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
