One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
