Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
