hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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