one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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