Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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