I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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