Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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