Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
