I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have aggressive nipples.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
