I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
