Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
