Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
