ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
