Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think people are normalizing furries
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
