I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
