How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
