It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
