Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
