Your face is a jimmy john
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
