he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
