new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
