Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
