he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
