i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
