my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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