Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
