yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize