God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
