a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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