maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
