Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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