dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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