I puked a lego.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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