yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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