I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
