It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
