are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
