what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
