I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
