I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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