I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
whose parrot is this?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
