I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
