It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
