I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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