so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
