FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
