my sisters under your porch take her home
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize