Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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