I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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