I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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